26 June 2012

Here I Am

Plus where I am...

boy only;

boy[] newYork;

for(int i=0; i<newYork.length; i++) {

 if(newYork[i].living==true) {





8 April 2012

Lunar Eclipse

If music be the food of love..


function hit(object) {

if(object.size>=big && object.like(pizzaPie)) amore=true;


10 March 2012


A few proverbs and sayings:

life.shit=true; you.die();

if(bird.early) bird.catch(worm);

for(Vessel v : vessels) if(v.empty) vessel.makeNoise(max);

if(cooks.length>=tooMany) broth.spoil();

for(Cloud c : clouds) c.lining=silver;

26 February 2012

Grave Concerns

The wisdom of clowns:


function giveBirth(astride) {




9 January 2012


Some perspective:

us = new array();

for(i=0; i<us.length; i++) {


if(random.nextBoolean()) us[i].look(stars);


11 December 2011

An Explanation of Sorts

Just a brief intro to this complete waste of time. I've always enjoyed seeing natural language expressed as code, as in this example. This type of thing happens quite often on places like Twitter, as in the recent #MovieLinesInCode extravaganza, discussed in this blogpost.

Here are some of mine:
  1. !me.push();
  2. space[i].hear.scream=0;
  3. encounters[3]=close;
  4. person[] home = new person[1]; home[0]=kid;
  5. frankly.damn=0;
  6. ET.phone(home);
  7. for(i=0; i<president.men.length; i++)
  8. that.equals(me.family) && me.family!=me;
  9. for(i=0; i<slaves.length; i++)="" slaves[i]="spartacus;
  10. for(i=0; i<bodySnatchers.length; i++) bodySnatchers[i].invade();
  11. if(thing.moves==true) frank.fuck(thing);
  12. if(this.power==great) this.responsibility=great;
  13. place[i].like(home)==false;
  14. me.mad.amount>=hell && !me.take(this) break;
  15. me.big=true; pictures--;
English translations:
  1. "Don't push me." //Rambo
  2. "In space no-one can hear you scream." //Alien
  3. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
  4. Home Alone
  5. "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." //Gone With the Wind
  6. "ET phone home." //ET
  7. All the President's Men
  8. "That's my family (Kay) it's not me." //Godfather - not 100% correct but hey
  9. "I'm Spartacus" scene. //Spartacus
  10. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
  11. "I'll fuck anything that moves." //Frank, Blue Velvet
  12. "With great power comes great responsibility." //Spiderman
  13. "There's no place like home." //The Wizard of Oz
  14. "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this any more." //Network
  15. "I am big, it's the pictures that got small." //Sunset Boulevard

Anyway, being a total weirdo who spends more time interacting with computers than with humans I find that computer language has influenced the way I perceive things. For example, when I go swimming, I think of each length as incrementing something larger as part of an iterative process. So rather than seeking professional help for what's clearly the makings of a personality disorder, I thought I'd start a blog dedicated to expressions of something other than instructions for a computer through pseudocode.

10 December 2011

Don't Ask

Object oriented wisdom:


class life {



   if(shyness!=null) break;

   else do(things);


18 November 2011

On Friendships

Let's kick things off with this:

class man {


    class dog {


        canRead() {

            if(this.dark>0) return false;

            else return true;